Opera Chic

OMFG A Concertmistress In Vienna WTF!!!???

The Wiener Staatsoper, most of whose orchestra members comprise the Vienna Philharmonic, appointed a woman as its concertmaster. Albena Danailova, of Sofia, takes first chair in September. According to custom, if all goes well for two years, she will then move into the position permanently.

Her appointment is significant for two reasons: One, she is the first woman to have the post at the Staatsoper, and two, in her new job she will oversee a core of instrumentalists -- the Vienna Philharmonic -- that has long deemed women musicians to be inferior to men. The Philharmonic has only recently invited women to audition, and only one, a harpist, has made the cut permanently.

Coming soon to Vienna: coed restrooms. Like, eeew.

                                                                                   (foto Brevard Theatrical Ensemble)

A Cell Phone Rings In The Sacred Wood: Norma Stares It Into Submission, Daniela Dessì Triumphs As Norma Despite Hi Tech Sabotage. OC Reports From Bologna

Opera Chic just spent a delightful night in Bologna, where at Teatro Comunale, that sweet little stylish shoebox of a opera house, Daniela Dessì made her debut as Norma.

First things first, because this is just a very late night teaser pawst -- OC is tired and after the day trip & excitement she needs her 16 hours of beauty sleep now, full review coming tomorrow -- we witnessed a case of sabotage that's so sneakily evil we hadn't really thought possible.

Bravely tackling for the first time that throat-busting role, Dessì -- who tonight gave us a sensitive, interesting, beautiful portrait of Norma, with just a few little caveats we'll tell you about in the full review tomorrow -- had to tackle an appalling case of sabotage.

Just a few bars into Casta Diva, literally moments before Dessì was about to start singing the first Norma of her life, a cell phone started ringing from a box, stage right.

The electronic replica of an old skool European telephone, a loud, echoing -- and we quote here:

RRRINGGG... RRRINGGG... RRRINGGG... RRRINGGG... RRRINGGG... RRRINGGG...

Actually, after the second ring, in a surreal atmosphere where the audience sat in shock, with some spectators grumbling their disbelief, the conductor, Evelino Pidò, we clearly saw from our position, completely ashen-faced, and suddendly looking about 40 years older, desperately eyeballed Dessì, silently asking her if she wanted him to stop the music.

Dessì -- to her eternal credit -- quickly shook her head no, barged ahead and immediately began singing.

She basically sang her first

"Casta Diva, che inargenti
Queste sacre antiche piante"

while glaring in the general direction of the offender, essentially killing the cell phone with a Bluetooth burning glare.

After six, I repeat, six ringtones (another element that makes it quite clear it was a form of sabotage, who -- in good faith -- would actually leave their cell phone on for an eternity like that), the noise -- that at that point blared through the opera house so much it felt louder than the orchestra -- finally stopped.

And Dessì finished her aria, bringing the house down in a monster ovation.

More tomorrow about Dessì, who -- heroism in the face of obvious sabotage aside -- gave an excellent performance in a nightmarishly hard role. About her boytoy Fabio Armiliato, a very good Pollione (he sang with great precision and drive, even if his acting was, for our taste, a bit too sweet, even puppylike at times -- OC likes her Pollione to be a bit more thuggish). And about the revelation of the night, young American mezzo Kate Aldrich, a sensitive Adalgisa with beautiful colors, really enviable Italian diction (without overcompensating her "R"s with chainsaw-like gusto the way so many singers whose native language is English regularly do when singing in Italian) and pitch-perfect acting skills.

We'll also write moah about the not-so-great parts of our night at the Bologna opera -- Evelino Pidò's problems with shaping those sneakily difficult Bellini melodic lines, the very static staging (not saved by the late Mario Schifano's big trees frequently looming over the action) and Rafael Siwek's Oroveso, blessed with huge volume but at present it actually amplifies his shaky technique, at least in this role. 

All of this, amd moah, tomorrow.

OC spaketh. Now sing along with her,

I Can't Stand It I Know You Planned It
But I'm Gonna Set It Straight, This Watergate
I Can't Stand Rocking When I'm In Here
Because Your Crystal Ball Ain't So Crystal Clear
So While You Sit Back and Wonder Why
I Got This Fu*#ing Thorn In My Side
Oh My, It's A Mirage
I'm Tellin' Y'all It's a Sabotage

NOT Photoshopped

I'm not captioning this, sorry.

Additional, video evidence that OC didn't Photoshop this, is here:

Johann Sebastian Bach's Extrafine Miso Paste

A food company here has produced luxury miso bean paste made while music by maestro Johann Sebastian Bach played constantly during its 150-day fermentation process, company officials said.

Marujyu's Bahha no Yuraku Kyoichiraku miso bean paste will sell for 630 yen per 300-gram container, a hefty price for the healthy staple of Japanese cuisine brought about because of the composer's music.

Not as hot as the Tchaikovsky d1ldo we saw in Vienna, but pretty cool nevertheless.

(via Boston Big Dawg SoHo The Dog)

Suffer, Baby, Suffer: Sven-Eric Bechtolf's Siegfried Tortures Vienna State Opera

Captioning this dress rehearsal image of Siegfried at Vienna's Staatsoper almost melted our MacBook Air's delicate aluminum shell, so we kind of give up.

Juha Uusitalo is Der Terminator Wanderer and Herwig Pecoraro is the Mime, and Sven-Eric Bechtolf directs. Opens on April 27, 2008 at a slaughterhouse near you.

Cello Hero: The Classical Music Videogame

Play a new Saint Saens cello videogame, courtesy of the Berliner Philharmoniker, here.

Not as kewl as Guitar Hero, but it's a start.

(via)

"Cheryl Studer? Who?": These Are The People Who Run The Classical Music Industry

Via our delicious reader Marshie, an appalling anecdote about something that happened during the PR events for Rolando Villazon's new CD; an ugly show of disrespect for la signora Cheryl Studer that fortunately found its way to the Spanish press, for all the world to see:

When (Studer) arrived ... no one from the organization got up to greet her. The international head of the company, at the end of the supper, thanked some of those present, such as conductor Paul McCreesh, but not a word for Studer.

(...)

So, either the record company people did not know who Studer is, or she no longer matters to them because she can't get them a bonus at the end of the year? There are only these two answers, and I prefer the former. Better ignorant than ungrateful, using artists like Kleenex tissues. In what hands they are the record companies?

Bad, bad show. Terrible, really. Who are these people?

Heil Verdi: A N4ked Un Ballo In Maschera Goosestepping On The Ruins Of The World Trade Center. In Mickey Mouse Masks.

With East German subtlety, Un ballo in maschera will be staged in Erfurt, Germany, by director Johann Kresnik in a "different, provocative Masked Ball on the ruins of the World Trade Center".

With a bunch of naked old people in Mickey Mouse masks (see the photo by clicking here: it's obviously Not Safe For Work. Pretty darn ugly, too). WTF Walt?

The staging will premiere tomorrow night. Kresnik stresses: "Apart from the music nothing will remain of Verdi".

How To Return Lost Violins, Scam Homeless People, And Make Money In The Process

1. Give homeless person who found a lost, valuable violin, the massive sum of 35 bucks.

2. Return violin to Toronto Symphony musician who offered thousand-dollar reward.

3. PROFIT!!!

(via)

My First S0ny: Carnegie Hall's Culture Jam

The Sony Philharmonic Orchestra, a full symphonic orchestra comprised of Sony employees and family members who live and work in Japan, will perform at Carnegie Hall on Tuesday, October 14, 2008. This event marks the first time the 108 piece orchestra will perform in the United States. The orchestra will be led by Maestro Daniel Harding, Principal Guest Conductor of the London Symphony Orchestra, Music Director of the Swedish Radio Symphony Orchestra and Principal Conductor of the Mahler Chamber Orchestra. World renowned cellist and Sony BMG recording artist, Yo-Yo Ma, will perform as guest soloist

.

Barking Mad: The Man Who Mistook Mozart For A Dog

“What if dogs don’t like Mozart, what if they like dog music?” renowned neurologist Oliver Sacks mused to a packed audience Tuesday night. “I think we need to enlarge our idea of music and be less anthropocentric.”

Unleash The Dogs Of Dudamel: L.A. Goes Crazy For Gustavo's Sausage

Dear Tim Mangan made our weekend in a very tasty way: he has the porky goods on the hot dog party thrown for Gustavo Dudamel at the L.A. Phil.

As you might know, the d00ds at Pink's hot dog stand in L.A. like the D00damel so much they named a hot dog after him. Now there's photo evidence of Gustavo's "meaty bacchanal" at Disney Hall (poor Frank Gehry must be very worried about mustard stains on the upholstery).

Photos by Joanne Pearce Martin, also via The Mangan Man's arts blog over at the OC Register.

Roberto Alagna Awarded Légion d'Honneur: Insert Joke About The French Here

France's former first lady Bernadette Chirac, star opera singer Roberto Alagna and US columnist John Vinocur were among the recipients of the country's highest distinction, the Legion of Honour.

French language link here.

Bad Typepad Day: Where OC Shakes Her Fist

Note to OC readers who commented in the last 24 hours: sometime last night, Typepad might have eaten your comment(s). We lost quite a few, and we're trying to figure out why with Typepad. So sory!

:-(

Not Kosher: "Opera star Florez cooks Shrimp a la Pavarotti"

(foto REUTERS/Enrique Castro-Mendivil)

World-famous opera tenor Juan Diego Flórez, visiting his native Peru before his wedding this weekend, made his cooking debut on Wednesday with a Peruvian-Italian fusion dish called "Shrimp a la Pavarotti."    

Dressed in a white chef's shirt at a restaurant overlooking Lima's Pacific Ocean waters, Florez whipped up a shrimp flambe in a sauce of orange juice and balsamic vinegar to pay homage to the late opera great Luciano Pavarotti.

Thankfully, shrimp haven't got any bones in them!

(We suspect Big Luciano would have eaten the shrimp whole, raw, making some whale-like happy noises. And the Lord bless his soul for that)

*~*^*~**~*^*~* U P D A T E *~*^*~**~*^*~*

Super-reader Chris sent OC an online gallery stuffed with dozens more shots of Flórez showing his skillz in the kitchen. Go here!!

Bryan At The Wedding: Adams & Florez, It's Only Love

As OC reported last summer, Canadian pop-rock idoru & not-so-amateur-anymore photographer Bryan Adams (actually, a better photographer than he is a singer, not a huge compliment i know) had taken Juan Diego Florez's portrait for L'Uomo Vogue.

The two singers hit it off really well, and Adams will be among the guests of Juan Diego's wedding on April 5 in Lima (we can't go, unfortunately).

Is BA going to take photos, a sort of high-end wedding photog? Are Bryan and JD going to sing a duet, Juan Diego doing the Tina Turner lines?

CSI: Beethoven. Seriously.

Coming soon: David Caruso as Mozart, William Petersen as Beethoven, Gary Sinise as Schonberg.

Baltimore Symphony Orchestra music director Marin Alsop figured out a way to combine her interest in CSI TV shows with the BSO's Beethoven-filled season, resulting in a program that fuses medical diagnoses, theatrical impersonation, slide projections and, oh yeah, some music, too.

The idea is to probe into the lingering mysteries of the composer's tragic deafness and questions about the cause or causes of his death, bringing the iconic genius and his longtime suffering closer to home. Part I of CSI: Beethoven, given last night at Meyehoff Symphony Hall (Part II is tonight), certainly revealed plenty of thoughtful planning, not to mention dashes of welcome humor.

File under, wtf

(in the image above: Untitled (Christ's Last Day) VI, 2007, by Julian Schnabel, @ Gagosian Gallery L.A.)

Even Cowgirls Get The Opera: La Forza Del David Pountney

Carlos Alvarez, Nina Stemme, Salvatore Licitra, Nadia Krasteva et al. in La forza del destino on stage at the Vienna opera house. Conducted by Zubin Mehta, directed by David Pountney, premieres March 1, 2008. Come one, come all to the drrrtiest little wh0arhaUs in Hornachuelos.

"Between the necrophilia, the paedophilia and all the other philias, there are quite dull patches": McVicar Does SALO'-me; Strauss And Pasolini Maybe Don't Mix?

OC almost flew up to London for David McVicar's Salome, because we're certified McV fangirls, but we eventually decided against it because of the overlapping of the ROH Salome with Milan's fashion week, and priorities are priorities (also, we were able to enjoy the unsightly sight of Giorgio Armani slapping around -- verbally, for now -- Anna Wintour; and, speaking of Salomes, we ran into Lindsay Lohan). So it's been all good so far; and reading the initial reviews from London does not really make us regret the decision to stay back in Milan.

OC really likes Pasolini -- more Pasolini the poeta than she likes Pasolini the film director, but whatevs -- and on paper the idea McVicar had, to stage Salome in a Salò-like environment, sounds cool, there may be problems inherent with this choice.

McVicar also chose -- just like in his savagely powerful, hard to watch even, Marxist Rigoletto production -- to create two levels in his sets, where the rich have fun and where  the poor suffer (in this case, a slaughterhouse-like basement complete with animal carcasses hanging from hooks and a n4ked executioner with a big scimitar). The dance of the Seven Veils, without nudity, is essentially a series of creepy video flashbacks where there are strong hints  of Salome being molested as a child (she quite certainly does get raped at the end of the opera anyway).

Richard Morrison in the Times is a bit perplexed, and he also liked Nadja Michael much less than we liked her in Milan last year (but then it was a Bondy pretty minimalist production, def less xtreme, and Daniel "I Shall Steal Ur Thunda" Harding conducting). And then there are those who point out that "There is also a disturbing incongruity in having an interwar setting which seems to evoke a version of Germany, with soldiers dressed in what could well be Nazi uniforms, where a deranged potentate entertains five Jews for dinner" (unless of course the Jews will eventually get eaten -- hey, here's an idea for signor McVicar if he wants to tinker with his production, courtesy of OC!).

The nature of McVicar's two-level setup made it so that people who had the misfortune to be seated high up in the Covent Garden's El Cheapo seats -- over here we call them il loggione to spray some sparkling glitter on the sadness of it all -- couldn't really see what the hayl was going on among the rich peoples having their party upstairs. Funny that somebody as revolutionary as David McV often decides to leave all the good bits of his productions to the richest members of the audience, comfortably sitting in the expensive seats with full views of the stage.

OC will probably have to drive up to Torino at this point, and check out Carsen's Salome instead, see what's going on -- Salò vs Ocean's Eleven. Herr Doktor Strauss would probably hide under his desk or something. As he should.

Misadventures In Lipsynching: Paul Whelan, How To Succeed In Opera Mime

A chest infection meant that Clive Bayley had to mime Raimondo while Paul Whelan sang with aplomb from the wings.

History repeats itself, almost, in Lucia di Lammermoor at London's Coliseum.

Understudy Paul Whelan (the humongously tall dude in the photo above courtesy of ENO) was in the audience when Clive Bayley (the bleeding bloody redpainted dude in the photo above) lost his voice. Whelan, who'll sing the part next month, "sang from the side of the stage as Mr Bayley stayed on to mime". Not as fun as when Alagna left the Scala stage in a hurry and Antonello Palombi jumped on stage from the wings, but pretty good anyway.

Tenor Ernesto Tito Beltran Sentenced To Two Years In Jail For Rape

"Chilean opera singer Ernesto 'Tito' Beltran has been sentenced to two years in jail by a Swedish court for rape."

"The 42-year-old, who has lived in Sweden since 1986, was found guily of raping a nanny employed by another singer during a concert tour in 1999."

A YouTube fan page is here.

Beltran has sung, among other places, at the San Francisco Opera and at the Royal Albert Hall.

The Father Of The (Opera) Bride: Netrebko & Schrott "Should Get Married In Our Russian Church". Hilarity May Ensue.

Via Voices From Russia (thanks to reader "knowbody"):

"Yuri Nikolaevich Netrebko, the father of opera star Olga Netrebko, hopes that she and her future husband shall be married in an Orthodox ceremony in one of the churches of Krasnodar. 'Anna has usually agreed with me. We hope that the wedding shall take place in the St Ilya parish in Krasnodar, where Anna was baptised', he stated in an interview published on Wednesday in the newspaper Tvoi Den (Your Day)."

"Olga"?

Besides the funny translation of La Bohème from French to Russian back into English -- it magically becomes "Bohemia" -- we have to confess we always thought that Ervino Schrott, who already has a first wife (whose divorce status is unknown) and a daughter, was Jewish. (In this case, someone should alert il signor Yuri Nikolaeevich of the difference between Russian Orthodox and Jewish Orthodox).

BAFTAs @ Royal Opera House: Beware

The Royal Opera House (check out the biga$$ BAFTA mask that will form part of the set (foto Roiters) will host on Sunday the BAFTA awards ceremony.

Among the nominees, for Best Score, Jonny Greenwood, whose Varese-inspired, unsettling, relentless score for There Will Be Blood turned Friend of OC and New Yorker critic and author Alex Ross into a fanboy. We liked the score a bit less than the Rosster did, but the film made us  sorry, once again, that Daniel Day Lewis is not an opera singer (even if he could certainly impersonate one pretty dang well) -- he'd be a wonderful Don Giovanni, a chilling Rigoletto, a heavenly Papageno. And the  most thuggish Germont in opera history. O well.

Memo to opera houses that rent out their facilities to snazzy award ceremonies: there are ghosts hanging out in those places, ready to punish those who have the audacity to desecrate the stage. Another glorious haus, the Met, on Sept. 6, 2001, hosted the 2001 MTV VMAs. A then-svelte (everything's relative) Britney Spears barged on stage wrapped in a humongous white snake and lypsynched her way through a song.  We all know what happened next (and we're not talking about 9/11 obviously, we're talking about the hummingbird of Kentwood, LA).

Life Springers Eternal: "Jerry Springer: The Opera" at Carnegie Hall

Jerry Springer, dressed up as Harvey Keitel (or the other way around, it's hard to say), makes Andrew Carnegie regret he ever built the dang place.

Macbeth In Oviedo: Because Francesco Maria Piave Totally Ripped His Stuff Off Of "Ringu"

Micha Van Oeche's staging (photo above) of Verdi's Macbeth in Oviedo opens tomorrow night at Campoamor theatre; Carlos Alvarez is Macbeth, Tatjana Serjan the Lady, Miguel Ortega conducts, Japanese horror cinema (below) fans rejoice.

Hell Is White: Un Ballo In Bordeaux

James Westman as Renato, Julian Gavin as Riccardo and Daphne Touchais as Oscar in "Un ballo in Maschera" now at the Bordeaux Grand Theatre, conducted by Paolo Olmi and directed by Carlos Wagner.

There's so much to go all wtf about, but the crazy looking hairy guy in a white wig and the girl in white sneakers are OC's favorites (Holy crap! Those are totally Etnies Calli Slims! Reprezentin' wit da kicks!)

Welcome to teh jungle.

Daniel Barenboim, Palestinian Citizen

Maestro Scaligero Daniel Barenboim, who has just given a recital in Ramallah, has accepted from the Palestinian authorities there a Palestinian passport: he considers it "a great honor".

Now we always leave politics out of this blog, because the lord knows the topic is already quite well covered on the Internet, and we generally support Barenboim's sincere commitment to peace in the region (we still think conducting Wagner in Israel like he did was probably uncool, but maybe it's just us) but Opera Chic cannot avoid thinking that Maestro Barenboim, who already carries Argentinian, Spanish, and Israeli passports, now needs to go to Valextra or Prada and get himself a custom-made passport holder that is big enough to contain his many national identities.

Also, ne needs to sweet talk signora Merkel into giving him German citizenship as well; so that he may run for Chancellor there.

Now wouldn't that be fun.

Isolde Killed By Loch Ness Monster: Oed' Und Leer Das Loch

La signora Waltraud Meier tries to escape from Nessie the Loch Ness monstah in the Teatro Real De Madrid production of Tristan Und Isolde, opening next Tuesday.

Serse Won't Sit Under That Tree But She Will Give You A Poledance

"Ombra Mai Fu" is not only in the shortlist for the title of "most sublime music ever created for the human voice", but it's also one of the world's most famous arias, well known even by people who cannot really name its title, its composer or the opera it belongs to.

Unfortunately, this has originated a weird phenomenon where everybody, and we mean *everybody*, has sung it in public (as opposed to, say, in the shower or while driving alone in the night). Because it's like THE aria that you HAVE to sing, period, no matter if it's really your thing, if you can pull off that tessitura, those colors, if that's your range -- doesn't matter, you have to belt out that sucka for some reason. It's like a syndrome or something.

The results?

Meh.

Very successful baritones such as Dmitri Hvorostovsky, an otherwise excellent singer and, we hear, a reasonable, pragmatic man, have bent "Ombra Mai Fu"'s linea di canto to their will, with quite maddening result (mercilessly dripping Russian testosterone all over Haendel's notes is not a high point in Dmitri's otherwise distinguished career).

World star sopranos such as our beloved Renay have decided to take a crack at "Ombra", making it, of all things, um, jazzy. Even il maestro Gigli, with that otherwordly voice, nevertheless managed to make it sound like a not-that-great national anthem (the loopy organ accompanist didn't help). Il migliore, period, maestro Caruso, sang it, too: it's here. It's not his finest moment.

Otherwise fine countertenors like David Daniels made us understand why Serse, right after opening, bombed and was pulled after 5 performances. 

Steely Italian chanteuse Milva, whose Kurt Weill we otherwise like, couldn't avoid "Ombra" either, evidently: hence she turned it into a Xmas carol, of all things. A carol that will make you hate the holidays even more.

The hidalgo of opera, the perfect tenor, the nobleman who never hit a wrong note in a career without equal, Alfredo Kraus, sang it too -- couldn't avoid it. And, let's admit it, his "Ombra" is the best non-mezzo version ever -- if anybody could pull that off -- almost pull that off -- it was il maestro Kraus. He's so good his version deserves an embed here:

But still, this is an aria for a very specific voice. And it's not a tenor's, even a tenor's as flawless and spectacularly moving as Kraus.

Jennifer Larmore, bafflingly surrounded by scrap metal in an artsy French production, gave a very fine reading, all things considered -- all that rust.

La signora Von Otter's restraint, when compared to other vanity projects involving Serse,  is indeed a breath of fresh air.

But there is no reason in the world why this skank should actually think it's a good idea to show up in a midriff-baring tank (which we do wear too, but, like, mostly when driving to Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf to pick up some cappuccino during L.A. visits to our California relatives and to Esa-Pekka, not to give recitals) and butcher Haendel the way this young lady did.

After this long rant the kind reader will be all like, yeah, OK, whutevs, then which version is the one?

And the answer, as in most cases, it's Lorraine Hunt Lieberson. When in doubt, it's always Lorraine. Lorraine 4 teh win.

From Barbirolli To Barbie: Barbie at the Symphony

Barbie at the Symphony is, sadly, not a prank. Instead, it

is the brainchild of the conductor Arnie Roth, a violinist, conductor – musical director of the Chicagoland Pops Orchestra – and the very essence of the populist. He has performed with the sort of classical names whose CDs can be found in motorway service stations (Il Divo, Charlotte Church), conducted concerts featuring music from video games, and brought orchestral flourishes to records by the Beach Boys, Johnny Mathis and Diana Ross. And he is entirely convinced of Barbie’s cultural worth as a spokeswoman for a new generation.

Suggestions for the next show: Wagner with GI Joe in Nazi unforms; Simon Boccanegra with the Halo 3 characters. Traviata with Jamie Lynn Spears.

Anne Frank Musical Spectacular: Why?

We're not laughing because this sounds just wrong.

The Diary of Anne Frank, the most widely read book on the Holocaust, which has been rewritten for plays, movies and TV dramas, is now being made into a Spanish musical.  On Friday, a theater troupe visited the tiny Amsterdam apartment where the Jewish teenager hid from the Nazis, seeking inspiration for their characters and the show.

The website is here.

****update****

Updates from the Spanish papers.

Joyce Di Donato Will Skype You For Hours

With preparation time constantly squeezed, the American mezzo Joyce DiDonato now uses Skype (the online phone service) to hold “face to face” singing lessons with her teacher, wherever she is in the world.

The stressed-out opera singers, The Times

Parigi 'Ho Cara: Adult Film Actress Opts For Stage Career, Sets To Play La Dame Aux Camelias: May Violetta Be Next?

Hungarian P9rn star Eva Henger (we're having serious trouble finding SFW images of the lady in question, so you Google your own at your own peril) has chosen to retire from the adult entertainment business  and is now acting in a losty play by Italian wacky genius, the late Carmelo Bene, Corriere della Sera reports today.

She'll act in Rome's Teatro Brancaccio in Bene's «Ritratto di Signora», the story of Italian saint Maria Goretti, a young woman who in 1902 was murdered by the man who wanted to rape her.

Asked about her future plans, la Henger explains that she'd love to act in Dumas's La Dame Aux Camélias. From Marguerite Gautier to Violetta Valéry? Now wouldn't that be the most scandalous bun-fight in the history of the arts?

Tarzan's Scream Remains Free Of Trademarks, Big-voiced Tenors Rejoice

In a rare moment of lucidity, the EU refuses to allow Edgar Rice Burrough's estate to turn Tarzan's yell into an EU registered trademark.

The application described the yell as “consisting of five distinct phases, namely sustain, followed by ululation, followed by sustain, but at a higher frequency, followed by ululation, followed by sustain at the starting frequency

We've heard worse in famous opera houses btw

In the photo above, Johnny Weissmuller. Below, Weissmuller in his swimming days, frolicking poolside in Paris with French champion Alex Jany.

Copyrights Are Forever: Universal Edition Shuts Down College Kid's Music Score Library, Threatens Massive Lawsuits

Music and theatre publisher Universal Edition has effectively shut down a very useful college student's website, the Canadian International Music Score Library Project (IMSLP): the site had to go offline following a scary cease and desist warning (.pdf file) by Universal's lawyers.

The IMSLP, an online library for music scores no longer protected by copyright, has been warned by Universal lawyers to install a complicated and expensive filtering systems because Béla Bartók's (died in 1945), Alban Berg's (died in 1935) and Gustav Mahler's (who died in 1911) works are apparently still under copyright in some countries (in Canada, where IMSLP is based, copyrights expire 50 years after the author's death, in Europe, 70 years after; at the North Pole, they last 575 years and many polar bears have been sued for whistling Monteverdi arias without copyright clearance) and hence the site's owner was about to get sued big time by Universal Edition.

Advice to our readers: if you're prone to singing opera arias in the shower, be very careful whose works you perform: you might very well have to pay performance fees to some giganticor music company. Consult your lawyers first; if necessary, install a telephone in your shower.

§§§update§§§

Project Gutenberg tries to come to the rescue; Slashdot debates the issue

Cruising Monteverdi: L'Incoronazione di Poppea at ENO

Those wacky Brits at English National Opera have set The Coronation of Poppea on a cruise ship, reports mighty Jessica Duchen.

When it comes to retro-nostalgia for krappy TV from the 1970s, we still think that Opera Chic's staging for L'elisir D'Amore (it's perfectly ready, available to opera houses and/or agents, e-mail in the front page "about" link) set in the 1970s with a Magnum-P.I.-like Nemorino is vastly superior. And it's more of teh funnay than Monteverdi anyway.

(100) Buck-A-Book: Who Needs The Gym When You Can Just Lift Those Big Fat Monstahs?

Our dear Uncle Normy (aka Norman Lebrecht) lets us know that there are a few really interesting, really heavy (six pounds +), really xpensive (about a cold 100 bucks) biographies coming out: Mozart, Mahler, Janacek.

As much as the heaviest stuff we usually lift is a bunch of Corso Como 10 & Boule de Neige & Viktor and Rolf shopping bags, we think that ginormic Janacek book looks especially gnarly.  We'll do some reps, then report back.

My Boyfriend Went To Vienna And All He Got Me Was This Stupid Instrument

OC, reporting °rite now° from a chilly & crisp Vienna, stumbled onto a new Mozart novelty while shopping in the disastrously crappy and equally exhilarating Mariahilfer Strasse. In Vienna, one can predictably find Mozart's idealized visage almost everywhere, from t-shirts to mugs, umbrellas to chocolates, scarves to toilet paper. Why no one has mentioned the more creative exploitations of the Austrian idol is beyond me, so imma bring it 2u raw.

At Vienna°s Secks World Spartacus (dont be a prude, Prudey McPrudePants), you can tickle your fancy with certain phallic delights inspired by revered composers. Yah thats rite. Here you can dream of a model called "The Mighty Mozart" or one called "The Teasing Tchaikovsky". omg löööööllllllllll.

From "The Teasing Tchaikovsky", the manufacturer boasts: