OC, reporting °rite now° from a chilly & crisp Vienna, stumbled onto a new Mozart novelty while shopping in the disastrously crappy and equally exhilarating Mariahilfer Strasse. In Vienna, one can predictably find Mozart's idealized visage almost everywhere, from t-shirts to mugs, umbrellas to chocolates, scarves to toilet paper. Why no one has mentioned the more creative exploitations of the Austrian idol is beyond me, so imma bring it 2u raw.
At Vienna°s Secks World Spartacus (dont be a prude, Prudey McPrudePants), you can tickle your fancy with certain phallic delights inspired by revered composers. Yah thats rite. Here you can dream of a model called "The Mighty Mozart" or one called "The Teasing Tchaikovsky". omg löööööllllllllll.
From "The Teasing Tchaikovsky", the manufacturer boasts:
"Compose your greatest s3xual symphony, for a sensational org4$mic opus" (...) "sure to reach your high G notes" (...) "an orchestral org4$m" (...) "Rapturous Raunchy Rhythms."
We °heart° whoever wrote the super cheesy copy, and wish we could be so bold as to appropriate it as our own. In the meantime, insert joke about batons °rite here°.
Moar 2morrow...specifically this.